Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group

mthankful · Joined: 01 Apr 2007 Posts: 84

Dr. Vaknin

I am wondering how does one "disengage" with the psychopath/narcissist personality disordered when there is a shared custody arrangement involving a young child?

There is no value in discussing or even asking anything about my son to this person. I am lied to about every single thing, including what the child had for lunch. I have somewhat successfully been able to restrict our communication to emails. Which I receive almost none, except of course, when the NP wants to manipulate the visitation schedule for his own plans.

The NP goes to great lengths to corner me at drop off and pick ups. He will babble on about the little one at this time; it never is about anything the child had done the week long visitation - it usually is about his last 15 minutes with the child and even then it is seldom true. (Its a "Father of the Year" show only) I hold up my hand like a stop sign and say if you have something to tell me put it in writing. But he continues each and everytime to "get in my face".

Since he is getting little mileage at exchange times he has a new strategy. The NP has now violated a court order and is now taking the child to different Doctors without my knowledge. He recently upset my son's eye prescription and changed his opthamologist of the past two years. I did try to beg him not to upset the little ones eye prescription until he was able to see his specialist. This email went unanswered, he was returned to me with new glasses, and now I am receiving nasty notes from the new opthamologist that suggests that I haven't been letting my son wear his glasses. Shea loves his glasses and this is simply not the case. I am so tired of feeling that I have to run behind the NP and put out fires with everyone he uses to get at me. I am also tired of looking like the one with the problems.

Dr. Vaknin, I had no clue that this man is what he is until I caught him cheating and left. He then had me charged with uttering a death threat, reported me to US customs without cause, reported me to child services, slandered and defamed me to everyone in the small town that I knew few people. He immediately hired a lawyer just like him. She has not cooperated with my lawyers (had to hire a second one & even then she was no match). His lawyer has went to the extreme of lying to a judge to have a fiat signed when my lawyer refused to be manipulated; it is unbelievable. My life has been upside down for the past two years. Since I left I also found out about the other girlfriends in NP's life, we all have the same story. Unfortunately, though I had a child with him. He is also well protected by his mother who is as heartless as he. And surely, I can not believe that she is "unaware" of the actions of her son.

The NP quit his job to be a "stay home" parent. His mother and father have set him up well in life so he doesnt need to work. He persued a week and week visitation order and won. But it has to go back to court when S is old enough for school. I am even unsure if the crazy court system will expect the child to attend two different schools. But, I don't want to make any mistakes, S needs me, and if there is any chance to have this little guy out of this terrible arrangement, I want to have done everything right.

Please Dr. Vaknin, how can I make this monster stop? Will it ever get better? How can I disengage and not be seen by the courts as uncooperative?

samvaknin · Site Admin Joined: 15 Feb 2007 Posts: 2316

It is not easy when you share children or property with the narcissist or psychopath.

Click on these links:

How to Cope with Narcissistic and Psychopathic Abusers

http://samvak.tripod.com/faq4.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abusefamily19.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abusefamily20.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/npdtips.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/5.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/faq80.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/4.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/faq75.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/journal56.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/journal68.html

Strategies for Coping with Abusers (General)

http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse3.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse17.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse19.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse20.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse21.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse21a.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse21b.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse12.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse13.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse5.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse6.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abusefamily13.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abusefamily5.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abusefamily6.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abusefamily8.html

Working with the System and with Professionals

http://samvak.tripod.com/abusefamily10.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abusefamily11.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abusefamily12.html

How to Cope with Stalkers and Paranoids

http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse18.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse15.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse16.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abusefamily14.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abusefamily16.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abusefamily17.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abusefamily18.html

Take care.

Sam