Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group

livedthroughit · Joined: 20 Feb 2007 Posts: 968

Summer,

He is just projecting here. You have the physical proof -- the emails. He knows you are the one with the physical proof. He even contradicted himself - he told S that he emailed you the information and he told you that you have a phone conversation.

Summer · Joined: 15 Feb 2007 Posts: 908

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1ablueprincess · Joined: 07 Oct 2007 Posts: 195

Relax Summer, on the stand the judge will see through him! Judges are judges for a reason, they are NOT stupid! Occassionally they may do stupid things because they are "testing the water" or are corupt, BUT they are NOT stupid! They deal more with psyco liars than any other profession. They are trained to tell when someone is lying. And you are right, his lie makes NO sense. All the judge has to do is catch him in ONE lie and then everything else he says is discredited! Based on this problem communication I think your attorney should suggest to the court that ALL your future communication be through email and that way there are NO misunderstandings and it is tracable as to who said what and N is just going to have to deal in email. My N and I only deal through the attorneys, KA and Ns attorney because N is an A$$hole and wont even do email with me though his OWN attorney suggested it in court! Now though what my N does is to NOT RESPOND to my requests or KAs requests and he made my kids and I lose a vacation because of it (another story).
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survivor

Shadey Lady · Joined: 19 Feb 2007 Posts: 172

Summer,

Sorry about your kitty. It is always sad to lose a pet and you can't even do that without some N drama....

I just wanted to comment about the email that you received from your N, about the "alleged" phone conversation. If I understand you correctly, your N is taking you to court again for custody of your son. I think you need to make sure that your lawyer is aware of this email. If I remember, you said that your N is accusing you of being under the influence. I suspect that this will be part of his "proof"- you don't even remember a conversation regarding your son's health. Be very careful not to fall into a trap with your N. Did this "conversation" take place on a cell phone? If it did, then you would have a record of it. Take those records with you to prove that there was no lengthy conversation with N. I would hope that a judge would see that even if you did have a conversation with him, a "reasonable" person would relay the information back to you, if you asked for confirmation.

Also, are you supposed to be communicating with N by email? If so, then he states that "I do not check my email". That alone should raise a question. If he won't answer his phone and won't check email, how are you going to co-parent with him????

I am not in any way trying to make your life more miserable. Perhaps you need to anticipate how your N thinks, then you would be more prepared for his behavior.

You don't want to come off as the whiny, clinging ex. You do need to say how frustrated you are with the communications as they exist now. You can admit that there is a problem and take responsibilty for your actions, and yours alone.

I know that you can't go completely NC with kids, but it sure does help to ignore most of what your N does. Obviously your kids' health and safety comes first. I had to learn a very hard lesson when I had to take a step back and allow N to be stupid all by himself. for so many years I stepped in to make things "right" with friends and family. It is hard not to do that any more. When family says something about N not seeing S or D very often, I just tell them that N doesn't call. I had to tell D that N is not helping S with college expenses. D had assumed that N had been sending money to S, and I had to tell her what my budget could handle and that N wasn't helping at all. She is starting to look at colleges and I think I burst her little college fund balloon. Sorry, I made excuses for N long enough. I don't bad mouth N, just tell the truth. ( My kids are mostly grown- I can be a little more honest with them.) Only one of the 5 kids does not understand about N- and it is the 26 year old. It is very hard for me, but I can't do anything about it.

It is not just how N's treat us. It is how they treat the kids. It just breaks your heart, doesn't it? I would probably still be with N, until he started in on the two younger kids ( who were 16 and 11 at the time.) The light bulb finally went on, and I was able to get up enough courage to leave.

Try to go as much NC as possible, Summer. Find your records as proof of N's lies. Try to get N out of your head- Iknow my N still rattles around in my head. After 32 years of marriage and 3 years of dating, I still hear him... But I can ignore him a lot more now. Smile

Good Luck and Peace. Shadey Lady

Sailor2bill · Joined: 21 Feb 2007 Posts: 204

Summer, I've only just picked up on this thread. Your N sounds as if he is losing the plot completely. If N says he had a lengthy phone conversation with you, ask him to produce HIS phone records to prove it. I'm not sure whether your records will show an incoming call. N's barefaced lies are incredible but I think they all do it as part of their mental illness. He is quite, quite mad. A good judge will pick this up.
I saw your Christmas wish, but have you seen my posting under 'Anything Goes'?
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Sailor