Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group

Summer · Joined: 15 Feb 2007 Posts: 876

deleted

fraggle_1972 · Joined: 03 Mar 2007 Posts: 567

Advise your lawyer, paint the worst possible case senario, tell him settlement needs to be NOW.

If exN doesnt want to cooperate (another option - not very pleasant), tell him (through lawyer) you have to move back into the house as you will be homeless.

I cant see a judge allowing N to live in the martial home (exclusive use or not) while the other party is homeless.

Can the lawyer ask for a small lump sum payment from assets, for deposit, moving fees, etc.

Is it 30 days to move out, or can you still stay there until the property is sold, it may be sold to another investor, then you could stay on.

Sailor2bill · Joined: 21 Feb 2007 Posts: 204

Summer, I still say that you cannot be physically put out into the street within 30 days, no matter what the contract says. If I did this to one of my tenants in UK I would be guilty of a criminal act and arrested! Has the landlord actually given you notice to quit in writing? I have to give my tenants TWO month's notice according to the tenancy agreement, but even so, I HAVE to give it in writing and the notice period does not commence until I do put it in writing. As I have said, even then if the tenant chooses not to go I have to apply to the courts for a 'possession order' which can take months to actually obtain. Do not be bullied or panicked out. Another thing: no way could I have an endless stream of potential buyers or tenants going through a property while a tenant was in it. This would be termed 'harrassment, again an arrestable offence. I know you are in U S and I'm in U K but I can't believe that the laws are so different there. Is there an advice bureau in your town for homeless people (as you nearly are). They will give you free advice on your situation. I'll say it again: possession is nine parts of the law, meaning that whilst you are actually in there you call the shots. Who is going to physically put you out in the street? You have not broken the tenancy agreement in any way and if you could tough it out the landlord could be in a difficult position. Again, go to a homeless advice bureau or it's equivalent. Sounds like you are being bullied out of your home.
P.S by the end of August I may no longer be a wicked landlord as the sale of the property is progressing. I'm afraid that property values may fall, as I hear they have in U S. We normally follow on from what happens in U S for some reason.
_________________
Sailor

Summer · Joined: 15 Feb 2007 Posts: 876

deleted

Sailor2bill · Joined: 21 Feb 2007 Posts: 204

Summer,
<< ....if the house was sold, I would have 30 days notice to quit...20 days and counting>>
The house is not yet sold and you do not yet have notice to quit, so it's not 20 days to go. In reality you have considerably longer. I think you are interpretating the agreement too literally and you are panicking. Is there no hope from your mom? Are you certain you cannot buy the property yourself? In U K you can raise a no deposit morgage, but of course the problem is making the payments. I think I've said that normally here, the sale price of a property is reduced for a sitting tenant. Don't give up too easily, there MUST be some independant organisation who can advise you locally on this. Was it Fraggle who said another investor might buy it and you could continue renting?
_________________
Sailor

Summer · Joined: 15 Feb 2007 Posts: 876

deleted

NancyCT · Joined: 28 Feb 2007 Posts: 1327 Location: Connecticut, USA

Summer, did you talk to your lawyer about this yet?

Summer · Joined: 15 Feb 2007 Posts: 876

deleted

dagna · Joined: 18 Apr 2007 Posts: 493

Summer,

You are a strong, creative, resourceful woman. You have been held hostage to the money situation for long enough.

Dagna

Sailor2bill · Joined: 21 Feb 2007 Posts: 204

Summer, another thought which may be of use to you. When my D first went to court she had a brilliant lady judge (who could see right through N and his lies). Unfortunately she then went off sick, long term.
Anyway, the judge ordered that the house should be SHARED between my D and exN, pending finalisation of the divorce. The idea of this was to give some sort of stability to the children, who remained in the house all the time. My D lived in the house for one week , N the next week and so on until the divorce (when my D was awarded the house full time with the kids). Could this possibly be an answer for you? In practice, the arrangement was not easy as N did all he could to leave the house in a hell of a state each week. He left no food, no electricity, kids clothes hidden etc. etc. (he even hid potatoes in the attic). On the alternate weeks my D stayed at my house, which is when the whole story poured out.
So, by what right does N live in the matrimonial home full time while you are out on the street? I know that your problem would be where to stay on alternate weeks but it would give N the same problem. If N was put in this position he would quickly get something done and stop dragging his heels.
This situation should be the trigger for your lawyer to act very urgently to finalise the divorce settlement. They cannot ignore the fact that you are potentially homeless!
Again, do not simply walk out of your rented property just because of the 30 day agreement, your landlord must go through certain procedures to legally gain possession.
_________________
Sailor

Sailor2bill · Joined: 21 Feb 2007 Posts: 204

P.S.
Although my D's arrangement was week to week it could of course be month to month or even six or twelve month intervals. I repeat: what right does N have to remain full time in the matrimonial home? It could even be argued that if he has had say two years there, then it is now YOUR right to have two years there. At least give it a try with your lawyer.
_________________
Sailor

Sailor2bill · Joined: 21 Feb 2007 Posts: 204

Summer, even further thoughts on the same theme: This is rolling a lot of what you have said over a priod of time into one 'parcel'. Why not go to your lawyer with what I have already said concerning the matrimonial home but ALSO say that N is systematically diminishing its value whilst he is there. He is doing this from a deliberately spiteful point of view to ensure you get as little as possible. You can support this argument with the complaints you have had from neighbors and from the estate managers, you can also list what he has done (and is still doing) to the property. (With photos?) You can argue that he has totally failed to maintain the property whilst he has had sole occupation and in fairness it is time you took over the property pending the divorce. N cannot argue that it would upset your kids as they can stay there with you. I imagine you can reasonably say that N is in a far better position than you, financially, to obtain alternative accomodation for himself. You must use the present situation where you are potentially homeless to force your lawyer to obtain an urgent court hearing, ideally to get N out and you in the matrimonial home but also to get this whole matter urgently finalised once and for all.
_________________
Sailor

Kitcat0341 · Joined: 04 Mar 2007 Posts: 15

In most cases, after the house sells, it still takes 30-45 days to close. that should mean more time. Try not to get caught up in the drama....and start thinking realistically about solutions.

It may sound mean of me....but what about getting a job? I can't imagine not having to work, and I have no formal education either. It accomplishes alot.....it gives me much needed money, and keeps me from getting into trouble by not having too much time on my hands to obsess and worry.

I know that this is not such a good time to bring up getting employed, when you are worried about where you will live and what you will do with your pets....etc. And it may sound like "kicking someone when they are down".....OTOH, having a job keeps one from becoming homeless. I supply 1/2 the income in my household, and all the health benefits. It goes a long way towards feeling secure and having self esteem. And it also meant that there was very little the ex could "do" to me. I wasn't dependant on him for anything. I walked away from child support, so I could more easily get divorced and get on with MY life.

I just hate seeing you on the end of puppet strings. You let him have so much power in your life, by relynig so much on money you are not getting.

I'm sure I will hear much flack for this post....and I am sorry for hurt feelings. It's simply my opinion in such matters.
_________________
Change never comes from fighting what is wrong, it comes from loving what is right.

Sailor2bill · Joined: 21 Feb 2007 Posts: 204

Summer, you know I can be blunt at times so I have to say I agree with Kitkat on this. This subject was discussed recently.
There are so many advantages to working, not least the money. You are out in the wide world, you meet people, you would not be so involved with exN. He would not still have the same control over you. I know there are practical difficulties, like your pets, but you can get around these problems. Also you have to recover from your recent op.
My D has always worked, even though the symptoms of MS have weakened her. She only does part time but it brings some money in and gets her out of the house (and exN out of her hair). As I have said, it doesn't matter what you do as a job. I imagine the thought of going out there after so long raising your family etc. is a bit daunting, but give it a try.
_________________
Sailor

vmm · Joined: 07 Aug 2007 Posts: 175

Summer,

sorry I had to delete and reformat below