Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group

Killing all my pets, one by one, but making it all look like accidents, then gaslighting me to think it was either all my fault, or my brothers' fault. Had all us kids blaming each other, when it was her all along, doing it on purpose just to watch us cry our little eyes out.

shellshockella wrote:Killing all my pets, one by one, but making it all look like accidents, then gaslighting me to think it was either all my fault, or my brothers' fault. Had all us kids blaming each other, when it was her all along, doing it on purpose just to watch us cry our little eyes out.

How awful! I had mice, and I started to notice that they were going missing. She used to tell me that they were getting out of the cage as I wasn't looking after them... I bet she did the same as yours did.

brighteyes wrote:

shellshockella wrote:Killing all my pets, one by one, but making it all look like accidents, then gaslighting me to think it was either all my fault, or my brothers' fault. Had all us kids blaming each other, when it was her all along, doing it on purpose just to watch us cry our little eyes out.

How awful! I had mice, and I started to notice that they were going missing. She used to tell me that they were getting out of the cage as I wasn't looking after them... I bet she did the same as yours did.

That's terrible :( My NM gave away my mice because one bit her - she squeezed the poor thing until its eyes bugged out so no wonder it bit her!

NM also had my dog killed after dad left her and I left home. Apparently the dog had 'kidney failure' and had to be put to sleep, which is bullshit because I saw the dog the day prior and she was fighting fit and just had the skin condition she'd had since puppyhood. I suspect she poisoned the dog so she had a 'valid' reason to get it PTS without arousing the suspicions of the vet she used...

Yeah, what is it with those N's and pet killing?
The first pet my NM killed was my new black kitten. She made sure I knew it was her (probably to get more control over me).
I was either 4 or 5 years old.
She was my teacher at school back then, and the class pet bunny died around the same time. All the children were crying and she comforted them and held them while they cried.
As opposed to how cruel she had been to my tears (spanked me rotten) when she killed kitty.

I think that's when my hatred of her began. It grew more as the years went on. To the point of me threatening to kill her if she ever hurt another animal of mine again. They magically survived after that...PLUS she stopped hitting me and went covert.

Now that I think about it.....maybe SHE killed the class rabbit too? Never crossed my mind. Bet she did it. Bitch!!! Then she had a chance to show me how little I mattered by hugging every child except me, her own daughter.

Why on earth do those Nparents think we'll have anything to do with them when we are grown? After stunts like that? Idiots !!

I had heavy menstrual periods so NM would keep taking me to different doctors (they all told her this was normal, I just had heavy periods). When I was about 12, she stayed in the room-not the pelvic part of the exam. She smiled when the doctor palpated my abdomen, then yelled at me that i was really enjoying the doctor touching me. She would never buy me sanitary products so I had to use socks for my periods. It was very embarassing and disgusting.
this was one of thousands of creepy disgusting things. I had a brother who was 3 years older than me that she had a "covert incestual" relationship with. this was by far the creepiest most disgusting thing. I had very bad cold sores on my lip at age 12-13, and all through high school. Neither of my disgusting parents would take me to the doctor. My disgusting brother would tell her "you can only get cold sores from sucking or having dirty sex,that's where she got them". disgusting NM would not talk to me for months at a time. she would also wear night clothes with holes in them that showed her breasts, and would go into the pervs brother bedroom to "rub his feet".

Ewww KatDBell, that sounds so awful.
What beasts they are!!

Just remembered another creepy/cruel thing (there's sooo many)

After one of my miscarriages before NC, NM said I would make a terrible mother anyway, so it's good I can't have children. THEN....she started emailing me photos of twins. Lots of twin baby photos. (I had lost twins, seems to be my thing). She had never sent me baby photos before.
So, just to rub it in and cause me more hurt, she did that. And then, claimed it was to cheer me up....WTF???
Thanks NM !!!
(that was kind of the last straw with Hubby: he could really see her cruelty then, even though he didn't hear her comments: she kept them for me alone, he saw those emails and lost it!!)

KL that sounds a lot like my NM...keeping the comments just for you. that is really a huge part of their N...they want other people to think they are wonderful people so they hide their horror, reserve the comments for you in private. My NM would say i made things up when i confronted her on the horror she put me through. I went through years of therapy, have read sooo many books, but having contact w/ other people who know the pain of having a NM is the best therapy I have ever had!!! I have lived through years and years of shame and hiding...being able to write about the pain w/ people who KNOW, who have FELT the same things is sooo comforting.
I am sooo sorry about your miscarriage...being a child of an NM, being able to realize it, reach out to others about it makes you a milllion times better of a human than your NM. Congratulations for staying NC..

Greetings. This is my first post so I don't know the lingo yet - but here's one for you. I am 47 and was diagnosed with breast cancer last year. Had to cut off from family again instinctly knew that my being ill would be a great time to attack (those of you who have been preyed upon while you are sick will know what I mean. )

One day the phone rang and I was feeling lonely so I picked up knowing the area code was from family. My mom seemed surprised and after a quick greeting said something to me that only the she and I would know. Years ago my mom took sides with my ex-mother-in-law after my divorce and eventually convinced my 15 year old daughter to move back with her father - just as I was getting back on my feet after the divorce.

My mom said "Well, Norma (former MIL) called and she was crying......" completely out of nowhere - just to remind me that she had helped my ex-mother-in-law take my daughter away from me - and of course - that's why I would be alone.

I was in the midst of chemotherapy after two surgeries to remove the breast cancer.

KatDBell, the N’s certainly do keep their hideous abuse to themselves. Then they play the doting ‘whatever’ in public.
That’s why it has taken over 40 years for my truth to come out.
I knew I couldn’t tell people what was happening to me. I would have not been believed because it’s all so OUTRAGEOUS and I would have seemed the crazy one.
So, I kept it inside all this time. And kept my distance physically and emotionally from age 13 until 33 when my niece was born. I moved into the wolves space to protect her. I raised her until I legally had to hand her over. (biological parents have all the legal rights unfortunately) I think I did okay, she’s older now and safer overseas with her stupid father than with her NM (my Nsis).

It is truly fabulous to be able to share stuff with everyone here and know that we are believed and understood. Very healing indeed.
I’m so sorry for what you had to go through. And truly understand.

Strong2009 wrote: Had to cut off from family again instinctly knew that my being ill would be a great time to attack (those of you who have been preyed upon while you are sick will know what I mean. )

Strong2009, I know exactly what you mean. I shiver literally when I remember how they kick me for fun when I’m down.
Once they found out my heart was not strong, they harassed me until I had a serious heart attack. Death threats included.

When I had cancer, they were particularly vicious. PF set me up to be molested, then laughed about it and stood up in court for the molester (a friend of his) and told me I deserved it because of Karma from a past life. WTF???
I hope you are healthy now and over the cancer xx

KL wrote:I was 11 or 12 and on a Tropical Holiday with a few family friends. Lots of Adults and kids having dinner together by the beach.
I had my period and was a bit miserable.

PF stood up to make a toast. He raised his wine glass and thanked everyone for joining us for the holiday.... and announced that I had my period and had a sanitary pad on and so now his daughter knows how it feels to have 'something between her legs'.
I wished the ground would swallow me then and there.
The whole table fell silent. While he laughed alone.
Yeah, real funny.
Creep !!

OMG what a total freeking asshole. Lord can we cuss on here because if I ever saw a reason for cussing that would definately fit the bill wouldnt it. OMG what a freeking total freeking sexual maniacal demonic idiotic horrible man. I am curious about how not one not even ONE person stood up for you by throwing their wine in his face and commence to beating the living shit out of him. This is a non-human being we are discussing here. How dare he get off doing that to his own precious daughter. Did he not even freek out even when he realized he was laughing (all alone) at his degrading joke? A super monstrosity of a sexual predator type of joke that took on the nasty attributes of a father wishing deep down that he could rape his own daughter or that he saw her in a sexual degredation that only he himself got off on. What an Asshole is this man normally a DRUNK? Does he just not care? Or does he just need a bunch a me to beat the fuck up out of him in front of a crowd of people for him to at least get the point of it. I am truly glad I wasnt there for I would have tossed my drink and found the nearest Two by Four. I cannot believe they did not at least eightysix him from the party out onto his cauliflour ear. GOD! Save our sweet lil girls from the horrers of nasty old men.
Budhabee

Great thread. Some really sad things I'm reading here. I'm so sorry these things happened to people.

My NM would make me take baths with my brother.

I totally understand about Ns going in for an attack when you''re at a down point in your life when a nurturing loving parent would be there to support their children. I understand this moreso now that I have children of my own. Some of the times when NM has attacked me, now I look back and think, how can someone do this to their child. I would totally be there to support my children in any way I could if life throws her a curved ball - but no, not Ns...they attack.

When this guy I had really loved and I broke up, my NM went on and on about how she just knows I'd be alone forever. She'd say stuff like that at down points in my life. I won't go into great detail about how she went about this -- but it was just really deliberate and cruel considering the circumstance. Bitch.

She'd tell me when I was pregnant that she didn't think my husband loved me and our daughter.

When I was a kid, I wasn't allowed to have any friends. If my friend was male, she would tell me she knew he was a rapist. If my friend was female, she'd tell me my friend was a whore. She wouldn't allow me to take any calls.

NM made me take piano lessons with a man who abused me. My NM knew about the abuse and forced me to still go.

She would make it a point to display her control over me infront of people. She loved slapping me across the face infront of my teachers and friends at school.

So much more. Things come back to me every so often and things I thought were normal when I was a kid, I see it for how warped it is now when I have my own kids.

I hate her f*cking guts. I hate her so f*cking much!

Budhabee wrote:
A super monstrosity of a sexual predator type of joke that took on the nasty attributes of a father wishing deep down that he could rape his own daughter or that he saw her in a sexual degredation that only he himself got off on.

It happened while I was starting to make it almost impossible for him to continue raping me (don't remember when it started, must have been too young, a toddler according to his latest wife of 2 years ago)
I guess he was pissed at me for becoming a woman and not being 'Daddy's little Princess' anymore and was making it clear. (He stopped the 'nice guy grooming' and began the mean teaser when I hit puberty early) He didn't care what anyone else thought at that dinner. Just trying to get his power back from me. In public.

Budhabee, I SO APPRECIATE all the angry rage you wrote about that incident !! Thankyou!! I WISH someone had stood up for me right then and there just like you have done for me now.
I had Enablers all around me then. Yep, wish you had been there to bash the living shit out of that slime ball!!
Thanks. Now I take your rage and protection back through the years to give to the little girl I was, and watch you protect me. (cry) Thankyou xxx
I want him in jail for what he did to me. And I want things done to him in jail that he did to me...and worse!!

Sylah wrote:
I hate her f*cking guts. I hate her so f*cking much!

yep, many of us feel exactly the same way. And it is a great thread! So many people who think they are alone in the world, can read through it and see their own lives reflected in our experiences and KNOW they are not alone. We are very sadly, many.
I share my experiences so others can know any shame, or blame is not theirs to carry. They were used, like us. There are others like them, here we are, who suffered and can rise above it eventually.

Strength to all of us

KL wrote:Yeah, what is it with those N's and pet killing?
the class pet bunny died around the same time. All the children were crying and she comforted them and held them while they cried.
As opposed to how cruel she had been to my tears (spanked me rotten) when she killed kitty.


God, KL, I'm sorry. This was a big theme with my PM too. looking back, I see the pattern--she would do something monstrous, like killing a pet, but making it appear to be one of us kids' fault--then, she'd manage to get us all fighting and blaming each other and blaming ourselves, and then, when everyone was freaking out, she would swoop in to play the role of "comforter"--often comforting selectively, and scapegoating one person, usually me, who would not get comforted. This was one of her favorite disgusting tricks--to hurt you, then be the one you'd go crying to. She got off on causing you the pain, and then, by offering comfort, she got to see your pain from up close she could just soak it all up, and learn exactly what hurt you. Plus she made herself even more powerful and beloved by being the "comforter."

edited for saftey


Now that I think about it.....maybe SHE killed the class rabbit too? Never crossed my mind. Bet she did it. Bitch!!! Then she had a chance to show me how little I mattered by hugging every child except me, her own daughter.

Uh huh. Looking back at the "coincidences" in my own life, I am spotting many of these now. Some may be true coincidences, but when you talk of the two animals dying side by side, and her opposite reactions to each...I hate to say it KL, but that smells just like the elaborate schemes my PM seems to excel in--really sick, elaborate, premeditated stuff, designed for no other purpose than to cause as much agony as possible.

I think you're right Shell.
The dead school rabbit was no coincidence. And yet, it took until reading all these stories on here for me to wake up to what was obviously right in front of me.
This forum is helping me go even deeper than before, and making me put even more puzzle pieces together.
I thought I had it figured out, but the N damage is deeper and weirder and crueler than I knew before.

It should make me crumble, but somehow, it's making me stronger. Just really weird how I: with my early insights from being so badly treated so young: am only now, realizing truly how evil these N's and P's REALLY are.
It's mind blowing.
I think part of me had normalized this kind of stuff, the stuff we are all sharing, but reading it from so many other people, not just having it trapped in my own memories and experience, is making it even MORE real to me and more weird, all at the same time. Know what I mean?
The cruelty wasn't just reserved for me (it felt like it was), the exact same cruelty ; in different forms; is pervasive and real for so many people.
It's kind of blowing my mind.
So many of us have the exact same experiences. Weird. Makes the truth even more true. No more hiding in dark corners of my mind, heart and soul. You are all writing it out here, and the reading and writing of it all, is freeing it up inside me.
Not making much sense right now, it's very late: bed time.

You know, I never thought about the pets....until reading (so sad!!) about other people's pet experiences. I always had cats growing up, and my cats always got hit by a car, or ran away, or...something while I was at school. I never made the connection. After NM left me, no pets died of mysterious circumstances while I was away. It never occurred to me that it wasn't right until now. Those poor animals, and everyone here who had to be so saddened as children by such loss :( I imagine some of you regarded those pets as I did then...mine were my best friends, always there for me, listening to me talk and stayed with me when I cried.

My kitty now is still my "teddy bear" - she's there for me when I'm sick and she curls up with me when I cry...she's 8 and not in harm's way at all, and my children are sweet to her and adore her, and she adores them as well :) I hope everyone has had the opportunity to bond with a pet in adulthood :)

It is weird how so many of our experiences are similar isn't it?

when I first recognized that my M was a P, I truly thought that no other human being had ever thought up such wickedness, and that surely I was unique in my victimization, and she in her villainy. Now, reading this board, I'm learning that these Ps aren't even unique--they're all using the same handful of dirty tricks on us--
edited for safety



Here is an exercise some of you may want to try if you feel "up" to it. Just beware it can be brutally eye-opening. I began looking for patterns in the bad things that happened to me, starting at the beginning of my life. I started writing lists, grouping the worst things that had happened to me by type--edited for safety


If you begin looking for patterns, you may seem some shocking things pop up, and then you can't stop seeing the patterns. You begin to see how you were not the only victim. Doing these pattern charts, I am beginning to see how my PM's mind works. It's not a pretty site. It is disturbing beyond anything I would ever wish to know. But I can't stop myself looking. It's like I have to know now. And on the one hand it's absolutely horrible and heartbreaking. But on the other hand, it is liberating to see that my life doesn't have to be this bad once I cut her out, and that so many things I blamed myself for, weren't my fault after all. I always felt like a such a loser because I couldn't seem to do anything right, and so many things went horribly wrong in my life. I felt I was cursed. And that I was a loser. But now I know that so many of these things weren't me and they weren't accidents--they were HER, deliberately doing these things to me, and my loved ones and my pets and property. I miss being innocent and in denial in a way, but I also know that knowledge is power.

Here's to knowing.

Shell wrote;
I miss being innocent and in denial in a way, but I also know that knowledge is power.

You are very strong Shell. I can't imagine how it is to have a whole life time of Gaslighting come to light all at once!
And with all your other health stuff too? You are amazing!! And your insights very helpful.
(Hey shell, can I take a big liberty, and say: please be careful if you eat or drink anything from NM: just to be on the safe side. You know what I mean? Not to be paranoid, better safe than sorry huh? And I have a close friend who's NM was drugging her through food while she was ill. The NM is now in jail. Hope I didn't upset you. Just want you to be extra safe. And, you're probably already being careful with that stuff anyway.)

How creative of you building that 'map', to help you see the truth and put the puzzle together. To help you remove the blame from yourself onto the woman it truly belongs to. Your NM.

Weird, this thread had another big revelation for me. Probably wouldn't have thought of it this way without you all posting. Here tis:
Years ago, after one of my operations. I didn't want to hassle my friends to help AGAIN, so I took NM's offer for her to look after me post op. I was a bit suspicious and weirded out, but didn't have a lot of choice at the time.

So I moved into the spare room and she acted like a real mother. For the first time EVER!! Well, I thought it was wonderful and maybe she had changed and really did love me after all. Bliss right?
Then, after a few days, I was still unable to walk or get out of bed. She walks into the room with a suitcase.
I'm thinking WTF?
And she tells me she's so "unbelievably sorry" and feels so "terribly sorry and guilty" to leave, but she has a pre-booked month trip around Europe to go on.
She leaves.
Set up....set up...and PUNCH !! What a fool I was.

BUT, still part of me carried that few days of her care, hoping there was a shred of love for me in it. Until today: EYES WIDE OPEN ONYA NM.
Couldn't admit it until now. That wasn't a 'shred' of her 'trying her hardest' to love me. That was deliberate and cruel.

Sadly, the day she left, I was not angry. I was sad, like a little child, I crawled into her closet alone, covered myself in her clothes so I could smell her and cried. I wanted my Mummy. The Mummy I've hated since I was a child.

Happy Ending though...had a friend who found out, rushed back from her Europe holiday weeks before her holiday finished and was in the house looking after me until I was better. How ironic....

Yes, it is truly mind blowing just how evil they are. Keeps me strong with NC to know it.

Listgirl3, so happy you have a safe, loving kitty now. So do I. Got a second one too! Good to know they're safe now.

sylah wrote:When I was a kid, I wasn't allowed to have any friends. If my friend was male, she would tell me she knew he was a rapist. If my friend was female, she'd tell me my friend was a whore. She wouldn't allow me to take any calls.

That is so like mine. She did not want me to have any friends. It must be some kind of control thing with N parents. Only mine would allow me to take calls. The thing is though, and this is bizarre, she used to be civil to my guy friends that would call. But she would be a total b*&ch to my female friends that would call. Eventually my girlfriends just wouldn't call my mom's house anymore. My guy friends would. It was like she was setting me up so that only guys would call and she could call me a "whore".

KL wrote:

Shell wrote;
I miss being innocent and in denial in a way, but I also know that knowledge is power.

You are very strong Shell. I can't imagine how it is to have a whole life time of Gaslighting come to light all at once!
And with all your other health stuff too? You are amazing!! And your insights very helpful.

KL--Thank you so much!!! I have been feeling so down on myself for being dumb enough to fall for this gaslighting my whole damn life!!! I havent' really stopped to consider that the mere fact that I'm still alive at all with all this insanity swirling around me is pretty good testament to the fact that I can't be a total loser. I guess I am stronger than I realized. And I'm really glad that some of my ranting on here is helping you or others.

I cannot beleive the story you just told about your mother being all sweet and perfect and then zipping off merrily to Europe while you needed care. Are you sure we aren't related? That is EXACTLY like my PM. I could have written that story myself. That's pretty much my PM's whole game. She really plays the part--like 95% of the time, she's in Perfect Mom mode, so when she flakes out, you're completely shocked and can't ever see that she's set you up, deliberatley, maliciously. I am so sorry you went through that. I know exactly what that feels like.

edited for safety
I feel so strange, like my whole life was a lie. I hope I'm able to deal with this without going mad. I think I can. I do. This board is helping me so much. Knowing that I'm NOT crazy. that this s**t actually happens and it's not a figment of my imagination. Just learning the word gaslighting--that this is a known method of torture...it really saved my life.

But still, it's mind-bending. Even though all my family turned on me when I told them she was a P, I see now that sooner or later, they may also have to go through what I'm going through now--they are all brainwashed too. And if they figure it out, I imagine it will probably be just as shocking and painful for them. Thinking about this is suddenly giving me new courage. I was always the scapegoat in my family, and as such, generally beleived myself to be the weakest. I was treated like the loser of my family, with nothing to offer. But now I see that I was probably the strongest, because I've been shouldering all this incredible abuse and still staggering along without complaining all these years! It's bizarre. Suddenly I know that I'm really the strong one. And I see that if I can survive this and pave the way to recovery, I will be an enormous asset to the rest of my family if/when they need help going through same. I will have walked that path first, and know how to do it. I'll kmow how to help my siblings if they ever wake up to the truth and want my help. That alone is a good motivator to survive. I know they may never see the light, but if they do, I'll be able to share what I've learned about how to stay sane through this.

Thanks.

Shell

KL wrote:

(Hey shell, can I take a big liberty, and say: please be careful if you eat or drink anything from NM: just to be on the safe side. You know what I mean? Not to be paranoid, better safe than sorry huh? And I have a close friend who's NM was drugging her through food while she was ill. The NM is now in jail. Hope I didn't upset you. Just want you to be extra safe. And, you're probably already being careful with that stuff anyway.)

How creative of you building that 'map', to help you see the truth and put the puzzle together. To help you remove the blame from yourself onto the woman it truly belongs to. Your NM.

Weird, this thread had another big revelation for me. Probably wouldn't have thought of it this way without you all posting. Here tis:
Years ago, after one of my operations. I didn't want to hassle my friends to help AGAIN, so I took NM's offer for her to look after me post op. I was a bit suspicious and weirded out, but didn't have a lot of choice at the time.

So I moved into the spare room and she acted like a real mother. For the first time EVER!! Well, I thought it was wonderful and maybe she had changed and really did love me after all. Bliss right?
Then, after a few days, I was still unable to walk or get out of bed. She walks into the room with a suitcase.
I'm thinking WTF?
And she tells me she's so "unbelievably sorry" and feels so "terribly sorry and guilty" to leave, but she has a pre-booked month trip around Europe to go on.
She leaves.
Set up....set up...and PUNCH !! What a fool I was.

BUT, still part of me carried that few days of her care, hoping there was a shred of love for me in it. Until today: EYES WIDE OPEN ONYA NM.
Couldn't admit it until now. That wasn't a 'shred' of her 'trying her hardest' to love me. That was deliberate and cruel.

Sadly, the day she left, I was not angry. I was sad, like a little child, I crawled into her closet alone, covered myself in her clothes so I could smell her and cried. I wanted my Mummy. The Mummy I've hated since I was a child.

Happy Ending though...had a friend who found out, rushed back from her Europe holiday weeks before her holiday finished and was in the house looking after me until I was better. How ironic....

Yes, it is truly mind blowing just how evil they are. Keeps me strong with NC to know it.

Listgirl3, so happy you have a safe, loving kitty now. So do I. Got a second one too! Good to know they're safe now.

strong2009 wrote:Greetings. This is my first post so I don't know the lingo yet - but here's one for you. I am 47 and was diagnosed with breast cancer last year. Had to cut off from family again instinctly knew that my being ill would be a great time to attack (those of you who have been preyed upon while you are sick will know what I mean. )

One day the phone rang and I was feeling lonely so I picked up knowing the area code was from family. My mom seemed surprised and after a quick greeting said something to me that only the she and I would know. Years ago my mom took sides with my ex-mother-in-law after my divorce and eventually convinced my 15 year old daughter to move back with her father - just as I was getting back on my feet after the divorce.

My mom said "Well, Norma (former MIL) called and she was crying......" completely out of nowhere - just to remind me that she had helped my ex-mother-in-law take my daughter away from me - and of course - that's why I would be alone.

I was in the midst of chemotherapy after two surgeries to remove the breast cancer.

Welcome Strong. You and I sound to be in similar scenarios. My heart goes out to you.

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All healing to you.

I don't know about creepy, but the worst thing she ever did was watch while my stepfather molested me.

AmberEyes

I don't know about creepy, but the worst thing she ever did was watch while my stepfather molested me.

You poor darling. I'm so sorry. xx
That DEFINITELY qualifies as super creepy!!

No wonder our boundaries were shot to pieces before we even entered the world hey?

Shell, you for sure are VERY strong!! And wise.
The way you've handled so much in such a short time is nothing short of AMAZING !
Yes, the scapegoat is usually the strongest child in the family. So, there you are....one STRONG WOMAN !
Kick that cancer in the ass!!
xx

Thanks so much KL!

And Amber, yeah, that is beyond creepy--it's just plain sick.

Hugs to you both.

All this is bringing up memories...I wish i could be more help to others, but I'm freaking out dealing with the memories.
I think things are different today, or at least i hope. When I was a kid, i ran away to the police station when i was about 10, and they did nothing. I told the principal at my school and he did nothing. I showed my priest where my father had split open my head and they did nothing.that was just the overt abuse. the emotional is a lot sneakier.

KL wrote:I think part of me had normalized this kind of stuff, the stuff we are all sharing, but reading it from so many other people, not just having it trapped in my own memories and experience, is making it even MORE real to me and more weird, all at the same time. Know what I mean?

The cruelty wasn't just reserved for me (it felt like it was), the exact same cruelty ; in different forms; is pervasive and real for so many people.
It's kind of blowing my mind.

I think it's so shocking that you don't realize how sick and perverse some of this stuff is, until you grow up and look back, and say, WTF???? As kids, dysfunction was all we knew, so it was "normal," even though on some level we felt something was amiss.

For me, having kids is a constant trigger. By loving and caring for them so much, and just by listening to them, I'm reminded how nobody was there for me. I remember things my mother said and did, and I would NEVER EVER EVER treat my kids that way. Reading your stories here are a trigger too, but it helps to confirm that NMoms aren't capable of loving us the way children deserve to be loved. The times we needed our mothers the most were the times she took advantage of us....so so cruel.

Just the fact that we found our way here is a blessing.

Does anyone else here find that raising kids is a trigger? In a sense, it opens old wounds, but in loving them as they are, I also find peace within myself.