Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group

Background-was with stbxnh for 6 years. No negative N beh until the night of our honeymoon (yep, he made sure he really had me before he showed himself). Anyway, this summer i had enough and got a domestic violence injunction against him. He went to work one day, got served, and never came back! yeah! (and i have no desire to reconcile--i waited so long and went through so much with him--and had enough therapy pre-separation that i will never go back). anyway, after months of negotiating--i ended up negotiating to drop the injunction - and in return i got guaranteed sole use of the house until divorce is over and he had to take an anger management course.

Anyway, he agreed to take the course and then promptly started to fight having to live up to his agreement to take anger management. instead providing assessment after assessment showing he didn't need anger management etc. Well, here is my victory--he's finally gonna do it. We agreed on a plan through mediation with parenting coordinator that includes group and individual counseling. im just happy to have it on the books--he had to do it and now he is going to (supposedly). Then he can have unsupervised visits with our child (i have been supervising all visits til now). Also, the parenting plan counselor told both of us if he doesn't go or participate in the program we agreed to--"he won't be seeing our child at all". So it feels like a win to me :) if he goes--it is on the books, and also i can have less contact cuz i won't have to supervise visits anymore--if he doesn't go---he wont' get to see child at all.

One small step... but i'm so happy i actually got what i wanted. Hoping for more of the same. So far, it is slow---but in the big picture i am getting what i want.

Don't be afraid to rain on my parade--i know this could be short lived and there's more crap to come ;) (he's already stolen mail, sent me tons of email, not given me any $ for child, called me a liar, accused me of wanting to hurt him, hidden money, etc. etc.)

Seeyadada

It is the little steps that take you a long way. Good for you and long may it last.

It doesn't matter how hard things get, come next week or next month, the main thing is that you are on the home stretch and there is only one ending to this saga - you will no be longer married to him. Even if your child continued to have contact with him you will still be in a better place.

Survivor15

Survivor15 wrote:It doesn't matter how hard things get, come next week or next month, the main thing is that you are on the home stretch and there is only one ending to this saga - you will no be longer married to him. Even if your child continued to have contact with him you will still be in a better place.

Survivor15

Thank you survivor.. I do really see the big picture because I am astounded at what I became--even though I understand how it happened. First came shock, then came shame, then came acceptance of the unacceptable, then depression, then helplessness--step by step I accepted he was never who I thought he was, got over the shame of making such a huge mistake (in my eyes.. or being tricked etc.), got over the depression, and then took charge to get over the helplessness. I still can't believe I did it--but I'm so glad I did. I still hate what he did and will never forgive it--but otherwise couldn't care less about him or his crap. He will try to torment me and make my life miserable--but hopefully he'll find someone else sooner rather than later and he'll be too busy with her to bother with us. Thanks again for the kind words.

Congrats. You are smarter than I was. I let it last for 24 years! Good that you got out when you did.

I would like to hear more about how you got supervised custody. I am about to file. The free advice I got from consulations so far said that the judges don't give a rip about NPD and they give 50 50. I am incensed about that. Why should a man who abuses get any custody of these kids??? Mine are little, 8 and 10. I know he has already turned the two older ones against me. He is working them right now as he has them both for part of this Christmas week and every event that has happened this week he has managed to use against me with them, trying to make it look like I am wrong, I am selfish, you know. I cannot see going through this again. Right now the two little ones love me deeply, we have a good relationship, but I got another warning flag over Christmas, he is training our son to go to him "when Mommy is mean to him". He does that when I have to discipline him over something (good kind fair discipline) and he uses a little kid's rebellious nature to get him while he is a little angry with me and then says stuff like that "Come to me son, what did Mom do now?" UGH ugh ugh.

HOW can I stop him? What did you learn? I would like full custody, and NO visitation at all, tell the truth WHY should this sick man have access to small children?

well, I filed for a domestic violence injunction.. full of stories of his behavior and they awarded it to me. Even the temporary injunction gave me time to work with my attorney to negotiate the rest. I'm not bothering to try to get full custody, as it seems a losing battle. But, with the injunction I was given TEMPORARY full custody--which meant I could decide when and how he saw the child. I chose supervised visits in the short term because that worked for me. Good luck.