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Bisexual Narcissist

Sam Vaknin is the author of "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" and 8 other books about personality disorders and abuse in relationships with narcissists and psychopaths. He is the owner and moderator of support forums and the first person to have written about the Narcissistic Personality disorder (NPD) online (in 1997). He invented many of the terms currently used to describe the disorder and its effects on family, the workplace, and in various professions.

Where to go to ask Dr. Sam questions. This is intended as Questions to Dr. Vaknin and his responses

** Please do not post replies in this forum. This forum is for Dr. Vaknin ONLY to answer questions. Any general discussion posts WILL be deleted without warning.**

Moderators: WindSong, samvaknin

Bisexual Narcissist

Postby painfullyaware » Sat Mar 17, 2007 5:12 pm

I have been in a lesbian relationship for over 13 years. I just discovered the problems in our relationship are based on the fact that my partner is a narcissist.

She was newly seperated from her husband when me met in 1993. We have lived together since then in a committed relationship. After three years she developed an interest and relationship with another woman. When I found out about it she said she was not looking for something better, just something different. I forgave her and took her back and we have been troublefree in that area until now. (that I am aware of)

She recently ran into a man from her past who was her first boyfriend, her first love. They got pregant at 15 and he took her out to "dinner" and a surprise trip to the Women's Clinic. He never saw her again after the abortion. She recently ran into him about 6 months ago and gave him our number. He called and I asked her to tell him to never call again. She then ran into him again about five weeks ago and got his number. She said she just needed to understand why he forced her to have an abortion and why he never saw her again. Yet, she continued to call him and build a new relationship.

I found about about this a few days ago and confronted her. She said she had only called him once a couple of weeks ago. I kept prying and asking questions and she was adamant that there was nothing more. I called the man and he told me that he had just talked to her yesterday and she told him we had had an argument. She had been calling him daily despite the fact that he is married and already has one extramarital relationship already.

She admitted during our conversations that she needs attention from others. ( I already knew this but she had never admitted it) She is extremely attractive but needs external validation that she is capable of getting anyone she wants. She uses her beauty and sexuality to lure people in for her own satisfaction with no regard to consequences.

I asked her to leave so that I could have time to think through this. She says she is devastated and cannot believe that I would end this just because of her infidelity issues. She says she will do whatever it takes to convince me that she can change. She is temporarily living with her parents but calling several times a day to say how sorry she is and she wants to come home.

I love this woman with all my heart and would like to think there is a way for us to have a healthy relationship. The major issue I have is guilt: she has MS and her disease is progressively debilitating. She has MS related seizures and needs someone to take care of her. I have been her caregiver since the diagnosis 5 years ago and throughout the very bad times she has had. How can I reconcile my own mental health needs with the need to care for her?

Is there a possibility that she could be faithful in the future?
painfullyaware
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Homosexual and Transsexual Narcissists

Postby samvaknin » Sun Mar 18, 2007 1:21 pm

Hi,

Only a qualified mental health diagnostician can determine whether someone suffers from Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) and this, following lengthy tests and personal interviews.

Question:

What is the typical profile of a homosexual narcissist?

Answer:

I am a heterosexual and thus deprived of an intimate acquaintance with certain psychological processes, which allegedly are unique to homosexuals. I find it hard to believe that there are such processes, to begin with. Research failed to find any substantive difference between the psychological make-up of a narcissist who happens to have homosexual preferences – and a heterosexual narcissist.

Continue to read this article here (click on this link):

http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/faq18.html

Women narcissists

http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/faq34.html

Narcissists are people who fail to maintain a stable sense of self-worth. Very often somatic narcissists (narcissistic who use their bodies and their sexuality to secure Narcissistic Supply) tend to get involved in extra-marital affairs. The new "conquests" sustain their grandiose fantasies and their distorted and unrealistic self-image.

Continue to read this article here (click on this link):

http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/faq61.html

Question:

Are narcissists mostly hyperactive or hypoactive sexually and to what extent are they likely to be unfaithful in marriage?

Answer:

Continue to read this article here (click on this link):

http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/faq29.html

Narcissists are repulsed and intimidated by intimacy

http://samvak.tripod.com/intimacyabuse.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/journal60.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse14.html

Our sexual behavior expresses not only our psychosexual makeup but also the entirety of our personality. Sex is the one realm of conduct which involves the full gamut of emotions, cognitions, socialization, traits, heredity, and learned and acquired behaviors. By observing one's sexual predilections and acts, the trained psychotherapist and diagnostician can learn a lot about the patient.

Inevitably, the sexuality of patients with personality disorders is thwarted and stunted. In the Paranoid Personality Disorder, sex is depersonalized and the sexual partner is dehumanized. The paranoid is besieged by persecutory delusions and equates intimacy with life-threatening vulnerability, a "breach in the defenses" as it were. the paranoid uses sex to reassure himself that he is still in control and to quell is anxiety.

Continue to read this article here (click on this link):

http://samvak.tripod.com/personalitydisorders47.html

Narcissists are either cerebral or somatic. In other words, they either generate their Narcissistic Supply by applying their bodies or by applying their minds.

Continue to read this article here (click on this link):

http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/journal21.html

Most patients with the Histrionic Personality Disorder are women. This immediately raises the question: Is this a real mental health disorder or a culture-bound syndrome which reflects the values of a patriarchal and misogynistic society? A man with similar traits is bound to be admired as a "macho" or, at worst, labeled a "womanizer".

Continue to read this article here (click on this link):

http://samvak.tripod.com/personalitydisorders17.html

She shifts uneasily in her seat: "I like to flirt. A little flirting never hurt nobody is what I say."

Continue to read this article here (click on this link):

http://samvak.tripod.com/personalitydisorders52.html

Take care.

Sam
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