I have been in a lesbian relationship for over 13 years. I just discovered the problems in our relationship are based on the fact that my partner is a narcissist.
She was newly seperated from her husband when me met in 1993. We have lived together since then in a committed relationship. After three years she developed an interest and relationship with another woman. When I found out about it she said she was not looking for something better, just something different. I forgave her and took her back and we have been troublefree in that area until now. (that I am aware of)
She recently ran into a man from her past who was her first boyfriend, her first love. They got pregant at 15 and he took her out to "dinner" and a surprise trip to the Women's Clinic. He never saw her again after the abortion. She recently ran into him about 6 months ago and gave him our number. He called and I asked her to tell him to never call again. She then ran into him again about five weeks ago and got his number. She said she just needed to understand why he forced her to have an abortion and why he never saw her again. Yet, she continued to call him and build a new relationship.
I found about about this a few days ago and confronted her. She said she had only called him once a couple of weeks ago. I kept prying and asking questions and she was adamant that there was nothing more. I called the man and he told me that he had just talked to her yesterday and she told him we had had an argument. She had been calling him daily despite the fact that he is married and already has one extramarital relationship already.
She admitted during our conversations that she needs attention from others. ( I already knew this but she had never admitted it) She is extremely attractive but needs external validation that she is capable of getting anyone she wants. She uses her beauty and sexuality to lure people in for her own satisfaction with no regard to consequences.
I asked her to leave so that I could have time to think through this. She says she is devastated and cannot believe that I would end this just because of her infidelity issues. She says she will do whatever it takes to convince me that she can change. She is temporarily living with her parents but calling several times a day to say how sorry she is and she wants to come home.
I love this woman with all my heart and would like to think there is a way for us to have a healthy relationship. The major issue I have is guilt: she has MS and her disease is progressively debilitating. She has MS related seizures and needs someone to take care of her. I have been her caregiver since the diagnosis 5 years ago and throughout the very bad times she has had. How can I reconcile my own mental health needs with the need to care for her?
Is there a possibility that she could be faithful in the future?