Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group

1ablueprincess · Joined: 07 Oct 2007 Posts: 195

I know this is one subject that keeps coming up in court for us. Initially, 6 years ago, I believed everything was my fault and let N have custody of my S. N was not satisfied with this and took me to court to have my visits cut off because of sports. In later years I was able to prove a bunch of abuse on myself and my children and S did not want to live with N so I took N to court. N was given supervised visitation and we went through MANY supervisors because N kept blowing up on the supervisors and/or S at the visits. ALL of the supervisors (about 6 so far) have complained about N and sports with S.

N considers himself an excellent athlete and superior in all forms regarding any sport. And in fact N is HUGE and very muscular and works out constantly, a professional kickboxer, thinks he is a superior surfer, etc.

However all he talks about with S is sports and he gets very angry with S if S does not hold a baseball bat correctly or something and GOD FORBID S EVER develope interests outside of sports! During the years of supervised visitation S was not that interested in sports and it drove N crazy, even in front of the supervisors... but right now S is interested in baseball, so it kinda helps their relationship (at least they have something to talk about, but N gets soooo angry behind it)
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dagna · Joined: 18 Apr 2007 Posts: 493

Dang. S is in a no-win situation-- can't do sports to dad's satisfaction, yet if he doesn't do sports, he can't satisfy dad either. It is so hard to watch isn't it?

We don't specifically have the issue with sports, but is seems that almost every situation with one of our kids is no-win. N went into a nose-dive when he found out that our child did not like root beer floats. Thought kid must be an alien. How could they ever POSSIBLY relate if they can't share root beer floats?????????

It's like he wants his child to be an extension of himself, but then he sees the child as a competitor. Interesting reflection of how Ns see themselves. Never good enough.
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livedthroughit · Joined: 20 Feb 2007 Posts: 946

1Blue,

What a frustrating experience for your s!

I guess the ExN reacts to the other extereme. If I sign my d up for a sport or activity, he is really negative about it. Even back when he had unsupervised time, I would sign her up for things that she wanted to do that did not interfere with his time. He would tell her things like "too bad your mom doesn't want to spend time with you" and "your daddy would really rather just spend time with than make you do that stuff." Now he even makes the negative comments during their phone contact. It frustrates me because he is encouraging her to dislike activities, but she is hyper and she needs healthy outlets for her energy. She doesn't need to be A number one, just learning and having fun.

I think Dagna is right, they do see children as an extension of themselves, and can be jealous of them at the same time. The bottom line is that they really can't allow anything to be about the kids. Mad