Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group

dreams · Joined: 29 Mar 2007 Posts: 167

Dr. Vaknin,

Until very recently (when I had to see my sister again at a small funeral gathering)........I thought that I was doing fairly well in dealing with the injustice of being blamed by my FOO for "breaking up the family". After after 5 decades of secret, egregious abuse from my sister I finally said no more. I finally learned that I cannot put up with her behavior to have family "harmony" at the cost of my own health. I had to say no more. No more.

The FOO is now making a bigger stink than ever that I will not reconcile with this sister because after all we saw one another at this funeral and in front of everyone she made an attempt to exhibit "friendliness" to me which I was cool to......but they do not understand or believe that sister has been abusive to me since I was a baby. They do not want to hear about it....they don't want to know about it. They don't want to deal with it.

It has been 16 months NC between us that SHE initiated......D&D'd me for approaching her on abusive treatment which she turned all around to the FOO and as always comes out as the rose and me the thorn. And since she did that (smear campaign) I made no attempt to reconcile with her (she would have reconciled but only because she could get at me again). Thus the NC.

I sometimes think that I should be used to this- as it is what I lived with my entire life......except that the cumulative effect of the secret abuse and and the sister's successful spin to the FOO and me never being believed and then on top of all of that me being called the "troublemaker" is very difficult to live with.

Do you have any advice for how I might deal with the feelings of injustice? I've seen you use words like "prolonged trauma". That is what I feel like I am experiencing. The effects of it. It is the injustice....and the effects of the prolonged trauma. It is all once again interfering with me leading a productive life i.e. taking away from me focusing on good things.
Thank you,
Dreams

samvaknin · Joined: 15 Feb 2007 Posts: 2029

Hi,

Fight back and you won't feel so traumatized. Don't be passive.

How to Cope with Narcissistic and Psychopathic Abusers

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/faq4.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abusefamily19.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abusefamily20.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/npdtips.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/5.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/faq80.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/4.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/faq75.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/journal68.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/journal56.html

Strategies for Coping with Abusers (General)

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abuse.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abuse3.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abuse17.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abuse19.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abuse20.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abuse21.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abuse21a.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abuse21b.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abuse12.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abuse13.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abuse5.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abuse6.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abusefamily13.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abusefamily5.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abusefamily6.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abusefamily8.html

Working with the System and with Professionals

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abusefamily10.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abusefamily11.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abusefamily12.html

How to Cope with Stalkers and Paranoids

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abuse18.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abuse15.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abuse16.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abusefamily14.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abusefamily16.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abusefamily17.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abusefamily18.html

These may be of help - click on the links:

The Narcissist's Victims

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/faq38.html

Victim Reactions to Abuse by Narcissists and Psychopaths

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/personalitydisorders70.html

Mourning the Narcissist

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/faq68.html

The Three Forms of Closure

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abuse17.html

Back to La-la Land

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/journal78.html

The Spouse/Mate/Partner of the Narcissist

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/faq6.html

Divorcing the Narcissist and the Narcissistic Psychopath - How Do I Get Rid
of Him?

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/5.html

Traumas as Social Interactions

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/trauma.html

How Victims are Affected by Abuse

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abusefamily21.html

How Victims are Affected by Abuse - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abusefamily22.html

How Victims are Affected by Abuse - Recovery and Healing

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abusefamily23.html

Rescue Fantasies - Surviving the Narcissist

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/faq80.html

The Malignant Optimism of the Abused

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/journal27.html

The Inverted Narcissist - Codependence and Relationships with Abusive
Narcissists

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/faq66.html

Codependence and the Dependent Personality Disorder

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/personalitydisorders22.html

The Dependent Patient - A Case Study

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/personalitydisorders56.html

Danse Macabre - Trauma bonding and the Stockholm Syndrome

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abusefamily.html

The Cult of the Narcissist

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/journal79.html

Narcissists and Personality disordered Mates, Spouses, and Partners

http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/narcissisticabuse/message/5013

Projection and Projective Identification - Abuser in Denial

http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/narcissisticabuse/message/5002

Approach-Avoidance Repetition Complex and Fear of Intimacy

http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/narcissisticabuse/message/5000

Guilt? What guilt?

http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/narcissisticabuse/message/4931

Narcissists, psychopaths, sex, and marital fidelity

http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/narcissisticabuse/message/4920

The Narcissist or Psychopath Hates your Independence and Personal Autonomy

http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/narcissisticabuse/message/4959

I miss him so much - I want him/her back!

http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/narcissisticabuse/message/4934

Take care.

Sam