Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group

standup4peace · Joined: 04 Mar 2007 Posts: 15

My ex Nar laughed at me hysterically when I said to him: I was in love with you how could you treat me so badly?

He wouldnt stop. I said what is so funny? He said you just looked so funny in the way that you said that. I know, Isay. I know I didnt look funny. It wasnt funny and I told him this and told again to stop, He would nt stop, so somethin gin me just took over and I gestured down towards his stomach as to point and said, You cant handle this can you? You cant deal with this!! deep down in side you feel inferior to me, dont you!!!! he kept on laughing and I kept telling him to stop and he kept trying to stop like trying to hold his mouth shut but spitting out in a sense. I swear, I wanted to hit him so bad, but I just stood there and kept saying this isnt funny!!!!! What is your problem!!!!!
Then in an instant he stopped and changed his composure and started talking down to me in this authoritarin manner like I was a child who should be ashamed over the way "I" !!!!!!!! was acting. Gad!
I told him to never speak my name like that again or talk to me like that. I said, DONT YOU TALK TO ME LIKE THAT< OR EVER SAY MY NAME LIKE THAT AGAIN!!!!!!!! it felt good, then I left to never return.
I dont know, I just couldnt figure out why he did that, was it a deversion??? from what I confronted him with? he was really laughing, and there was nothing funny about it, one bit. He really hurt me and he's laughing out of control??? What a nut case is what I say. anyhow, if anyone has any other psychological imput as to why he did this, Id like to hear it. Was he trying to provoke me into hitting him? I kind of think he was. It was wierd. thanks for the ear, sincerely, Standup4peace

OutoftheDark · Joined: 03 Mar 2007 Posts: 9

I used to call it my "five-point defense."

Things got so absurd that I had to make an outline of what I wanted to say and anticipate all the "weaknesses" and "strengths" of my argument before I would present it to him. And he wholeheartedly agreed, too. He said, in one of our lovely discussions about how great we were for each other (blech) that it was good that I understood "how I had to be careful bringing certain issues up with him."

Or else, you know, he would get "very upset." Textbook abuser? Yes, please.

Eventually I just stopped fighting because it was so draining and it was easier for me to rationalize everything he did. That way, I wasn't fretting over the last ridiculous thing he did and the best way to get him to even acknowledge that it was ridiculous. Turns out that fit right into his abusive little plan. How nice of me to do exactly what he wanted, all the time. Rolling Eyes

Ugh, how exhausting. I'm sorry that you had to deal with that email exchange, Jomo; no one should disregard your feelings like that. Just remember that the reason you're frustrated is because you have *feelings* and they get *hurt.* His "hurt feelings" are simply a ruse and yet another control tactic. The only reason you're frustrated is because you have a gift. That gift is feelings in general, which he'll never have. Try to reframe this experience in your mind as just one more experience that helps you remember that you don't have to live your life every day substituting games for feelings.

That's something he could never fathom.

::hugs::