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Am I a Magnet for Narcissistic Men? What is Wrong With Me!!

Sam Vaknin is the author of "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" and 8 other books about personality disorders and abuse in relationships with narcissists and psychopaths. He is the owner and moderator of support forums and the first person to have written about the Narcissistic Personality disorder (NPD) online (in 1997). He invented many of the terms currently used to describe the disorder and its effects on family, the workplace, and in various professions.

Where to go to ask Dr. Sam questions. This is intended as Questions to Dr. Vaknin and his responses

** Please do not post replies in this forum. This forum is for Dr. Vaknin ONLY to answer questions. Any general discussion posts WILL be deleted without warning.**

Moderators: WindSong, samvaknin

Am I a Magnet for Narcissistic Men? What is Wrong With Me!!

Postby freedomatlast » Wed Oct 14, 2009 6:39 pm

Please help me Dr. Vaknin!
I divorced a pyschpathic narcissistic attorney 13 years ago. Every 'romantic' relationship since has been a disaster! One of my winners is now in federal prison for robbing banks!! He would leave my house to 'go to work' - rob a bank or two then come back here! I was clueless.
What is wrong with me?
At some point, don't I have to consider that I'm the common denominator?
I come from a wealthy family and I'm aware that I'm a target, but God help me, when will I learn?
I wasn't like this untill my 15 year tourture session with a narcissist - am I destined to repeat this nightmare over and over?
Please help!
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Re: Am I a Magnet for Narcissistic Men? What is Wrong With Me!!

Postby samvaknin » Fri Oct 23, 2009 9:43 am

These may be of help - click on the links:

Rescue Fantasies - Surviving the Narcissist

http://samvak.tripod.com/faq80.html

The Malignant Optimism of the Abused

http://samvak.tripod.com/journal27.html

The Inverted Narcissist - Codependence and Relationships with Abusive
Narcissists

http://samvak.tripod.com/faq66.html

Codependence and the Dependent Personality Disorder

http://samvak.tripod.com/personalitydisorders22.html

The Dependent Patient - A Case Study

http://samvak.tripod.com/personalitydisorders56.html

Question:

What kind of a spouse/mate/partner is likely to be attracted to a narcissist, or to attract a narcissist?

Answer:

The Victims

On the face of it, there is no (emotional) partner or mate, who typically "binds" with a narcissist. They come in all shapes and sizes. The initial phases of attraction, infatuation and falling in love are pretty normal. The narcissist puts on his best face – the other party is blinded by budding love. A natural selection process occurs only much later, as the relationship develops and is put to the test.

Living with a narcissist can be exhilarating, is always onerous, often harrowing. Surviving a relationship with a narcissist indicates, therefore, the parameters of the personality of the survivor. She (or, more rarely, he) is moulded by the relationship into The Typical Narcissistic Mate/Partner/Spouse.

First and foremost, the narcissist's partner must have a deficient or a distorted grasp of her self and of reality. Otherwise, she (or he) is bound to abandon the narcissist's ship early on. The cognitive distortion is likely to consist of belittling and demeaning herself – while aggrandising and adoring the narcissist.

Continue to read this article here (click on this link):

http://samvak.tripod.com/faq6.html

Self-flagellation is a characteristic of those who choose to live with a narcissist (for a choice it is). Constant feelings of guilt, self-reproach, self-recrimination and, thus, self-punishment characterize the relationships formed between the sadist-narcissist and the masochistic-dependent mate or partner.

Continue to read this article here (click on this link):

http://samvak.tripod.com/faq21.html
Encyclopedia of Narcissism and Psychopathy:

http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/siteindex.html

Buy 16 books or 3 video DVDs about narcissists, psychopaths, and abusive relationships - click on this link:

http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/thebook.html
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