Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group

Cookie2 · Joined: 28 Feb 2007 Posts: 1394

Momoftwo...Nothings going on that any of us know of Very Happy

But like Matilda said...this is a public forum and others can(an do) read without even joining.....Windsong says sites like this tend to draw mentally ill people to it(no..Im not saying ANYONE is mentally ill here now Laughing

) Experience has taught us long termers to be carefull...so I'm sharing that with the members....I hope you do feel safe here and in many respects you ARE...but if you wouldnt say it to someone in another public place you might want to think about saying it here too Exclamation

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I have a photographic memory....I just don't have same day service.....................Cookie

Lukky · Site Admin Joined: 11 Feb 2007 Posts: 2616

Morning Cookie Girlfriend......... you forgot to mention the Troll to Momof2.... Its ok Tammy and Lemon onto him anyway!!

I have to go to work soon so I hope all you Guys have a GREAT day and a SAFE day and I will look forward to seeing what trouble everyone has got themselves into when I get home later...

Lukky
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'The Best reaction is no reaction'

survivormomoftwo · Joined: 20 Feb 2007 Posts: 313 Location: USA

OMG....I think I had mentioned before that I have been on boards where people were just outright cruel and mean and didn't want to hear anything I had to say.

Well, one of the places I would post was on a stepmom board and they would say all kinds of mean things to me including call me a troll!!!!!

Having been a stepmom who had been unknowingly "recruited" to work as proxy for my ex husband (not my kids' dad the psycho), I was trying to let others know what I learned from that experience and what I am going through now....lot's of the women there (I fee) were brainwashed......even doing as I did before I knew any better....

They absolutely despised me.....and they, along with associated boards moved to phpbb and I wasn't even permitted to join...like I am some kook or something....that's why I was so thankful to be allowed to join here.
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"The quality of your life is determined by the quality of people in your life."

H. Jackson Brown

Cookie2 · Joined: 28 Feb 2007 Posts: 1394

Hi Momoftwo Laughing

99% of us here on the p board anyways(and because I dont know many on the n board)are good people...mainly women right now but an occasional man at times....I think most of us want to hear what you have to say Laughing

and will listen to it respectfully....maybe we agree and maybe we don't....just because someone doesnt agree with what we said IS NOT(in my book) any reason to be disrespectfull...As a long timer here Laughing

I HAVE had people rip into something I've said after I had signed out for the nite...I always hear about it later from my cyberfamily....from that point on I pass right on by that members posts...won't even take the time to read ANY of it....See...I have healed to that point Laughing

and also to the point I can usually...NOT ALWAYS...But usually I can spot an N in what they post....and in how many times they post(meaning to me they want a lot of attention)Put that together with what they do have to say and it's a learning experience for anyone who wants to learn how to spot N's Embarassed

Both Windsong and I were caught up in a group of N's a few years back....Echo too with that same group.....It was not fun....and there was an awful lot of slander happening behind our backs(that's the main way N's do things...behind others backs)When I 1st came back to this group there was an N who wrote the longest posts....it took forever to read them....I replyed to her a few times and then all of the sudden she was refusing to reply to me or even act as tho I existed....saying things in her posts to others that I had said but leaving anything about me out.And this was after she didnt even reply to me Embarassed

She was one VERY PARANOID woman...had her own little group within this group Razz

yet often she was so damn critical of what THEY said....she was jumping people a lot...some who had been in her group even left because of her....I know windsong has had her share of people who come here to only make trouble too....So we all need to be somewhat carefull...... Laughing

I am not trying to scare anyone....Use this as a learning experience because I cant tell you the number of N's out in the real world I have met since ending it with the n/p....We all need to know how we will handle it and will we handle it better the next time we meet one......and WE WILL MEET THEM Embarassed

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I have a photographic memory....I just don't have same day service.....................Cookie

survivormomoftwo · Joined: 20 Feb 2007 Posts: 313 Location: USA

Wow....well that board I mentioned was just so vicious. I really do think they were so mean because deep down they knew I was right....they were helping their husband's take the children from their mother, bought into all the same things that many of us have been told about those who were in our ex's life before us. etc...

I have to admit I was a little nervous here at first because one of the frequent poster's names was Echo but I convinced myself that the Echo from the other board isn't the same Echo becuase it just wouldn't make sense! Smile

I have been around unhealthiness all my life and I have always felt God had an eye on me or I would have never turned out to be the person I am and I appreciated all of the things I have learned so I feel I'd be remiss to not put that knowledge to use, but at the same time, I am not made of stone and the things do hurt and it is really nice to have this place to come to.

Over and over again, I see the same themes mentioned here that I have been through with my psycho....I feel so badly for the ones just starting to get in touch with themselves over what they are going through...it pains me so...I remember being there.

I am blah-blahing.....sorry to ramble
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"The quality of your life is determined by the quality of people in your life."

H. Jackson Brown

Cookie2 · Joined: 28 Feb 2007 Posts: 1394

Momoftwo....Don't think I don't remember it well Embarassed

because I definantly DO...It's why I LOVE being part of this support group....I have the strong desire to help others who are just starting to go thru their hell Embarassed

I can sense that you feel the same way Very Happy

Like I said...most of these members are some of the greatest people we will ever meet..theyre fun...theyre loving...theyre always there to help...they 'let loose' occasionally and act nuts but its ALL good things...We should all act a bit nuts at times Laughing

Its a stress reliever to be sure Laughing

I lost almost everyone I ever knew because of the p's revenge on me for leaving and not allowing him to abuse me anymore...I had to start pretty much from scratch....if it had not been for my daughter who gave me unconditional moral support and her 2 girls whom I adore with my whole being I possibly wouldnt be here now...I thank God that I am Laughing

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I have a photographic memory....I just don't have same day service.....................Cookie

survivormomoftwo · Joined: 20 Feb 2007 Posts: 313 Location: USA

That is good to know, and yes, you are right about me.

I have lost just about all of it too...my own mom used my epxerience of being abused by my psycho as a time to get "revenge" on me for having been subpeoned to testify against her in her divorce case (from my stepdad whom she met when he was 13 and she was 31...he is only three years older than me)

I am okay with it because she is an "N" and I think she is bipolar too so our relationship was never the greatest and I actually spent from age 19-28 estranged from her until I felt strong enough to deal with her without getting sucked in. (I did a pretty good job I must admit!!!) But, at the most definate worst time in my life when I left my psycho and she honed in, it hurt. Not a lot...just a little...and then I reminded myself I could expect nothing more from her.

Human behavior sure is interesting. Makes you wonder just how many people are healthy!!! I have actually been told that I expect too much...I figure, if I can do the right thing and be good to people and contribute, anyone else can too! How silly of me! lol
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"The quality of your life is determined by the quality of people in your life."

H. Jackson Brown

Clueless1 · Joined: 11 Feb 2007 Posts: 138

Before I read the message board on the other site I had sent mother in law a link about her p son. I know she probably read it and maybe even found the message board cause she started using the NO CONTACT against me in emails later. All capitalized like that and all so I know she probably reads. I regret sending her the link cause of course her sweet wonderful son could not be a psycho. The problem was all me of course. SILLY ole me Razz

survivormomoftwo · Joined: 20 Feb 2007 Posts: 313 Location: USA

When my ex fiorst won overnight visits with our two little girls (they were just over ages 1 & 2), he was supposed to exercise his custody in the presence of his stepmom....2 1/2 hours away from me.

I emailed her and begged her not to leave him alone with them and she sent me an email asking me to stop emailing her....horrible.
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"The quality of your life is determined by the quality of people in your life."

H. Jackson Brown

arbella · Posted: Sun Mar 04, 2007 12:30 am Post subject:

Hi,

"Lurking" for me has negative connotations, and Webster's agrees, tho' now there is a new definition. To "read communications on an electronic network without making one's presence known." I guess the word has stuck. Oh well. Once again, I'm powerless over cyberspace.

But everything else in the dict. about 'lurk' connects it with things a 'creep' would do. I've 'read', 'perused', 'checked out', lots of things on websites or discussion groups without jumping in right away. I'd be insulted if someone said I was lurking.

One of the synonyms for 'lurk' is SKULK. Now there's a good one: "...keep out of sight, typically with a sinister or cowardly motive."

Oh, well.

Rafael

Dora_F · Joined: 16 Feb 2007 Posts: 26

I too sat and read this site for a while before working up the courage to post. I think that's pretty normal. It also occurred to me that someone else could read it and tell my ex, but that was just me being paranoid. He could never figure how to use the thing and always regarded the computer with great suspicion. Like he thought I had some secret lover I was talking to on it! It what originally raised my suspicions about him. Usually when one is so paranoid that their partner might be doing something sneaky it is because they are doing something sneaky themselves and getting away with it.
Anyhow the circle of friends he runs with are not likely to be computer users.
Glad you mentioned that other people are reading besides us though to keep us sharp! Its always nice to know you have friends who are looking out for you.

Dora

Cookie2 · Joined: 28 Feb 2007 Posts: 1394

Dora...I know these women who manage this group really good and I assure you they look out for all of us Laughing

It is a safe place as long as we don't put out our ph numbers or address or even email address.Thats the kind of personal stuff the managers don't want and for OUR safety.Your feelings...emotions....anger....this is all to be expected here and it's why we are here...To support others Laughing

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I have a photographic memory....I just don't have same day service.....................Cookie

LILYLIVES · Joined: 17 Feb 2007 Posts: 39 Location: PA.

I agree that we have to be ever alert. Pedophiles go to My Space, and places where kids write on line. Why wouldn't a N come to the site? Although I believe that most people are here to heal or get help.

With peace, love and hopefully joy!

LILYLIVES

sag07 · Joined: 16 Feb 2007 Posts: 537 Location: Elgin, IL

Cookie

Yes we need to remember that this site is public and anyone can and will view it from time to time.
I try to remember this when I post, but sometimes we may read something that hits a nerve and then logic and common sense goes right out the window. We as member should remember to tell other members time to time that this is a public site.. And your point is well taken! I can say (not sure just how wise this is?) that sometimes I just don't care who see what I have post, I just get tired of being scare or afraid, Like man, I had 17 years of that with my xN...

Thanks again for the reminder

Sag

Matilda · Joined: 27 Feb 2007 Posts: 1834

[i]Hi all,
thought I would jump in here too and share some thoughts...I remember when I first found this support group years ago and I was so relieved...finally I found stories I identified with, I found similarities with what other people had gone through with my own experiences, and then I researched the information and was able to see with some certainty that my ex definitely suffered from anti social personality disorder. I had a safe place to share my story. I was also quite paranoid about him finding out I had been researching within this group, as he had a habit of going through my things and checking up on me etc. I was able to leave him eventually, and was assisted through that process by receiving good advice from members here.

Once I left him and began posting more, I gradually opened up more and more on the site, figuring "what the hell else did I have to lose?" I believed (and still do), that if I had not got away from him, I would not be alive today. I had lived in isolation with him for nearly 2 years so it was a relief to have other people to connect with, others who identified with what I had been through, so I probably was a little careless about some of the more personal information I shared. I also had a bit of the "save the world" stuff going on too then...lol...I guess I was so relieved and grateful for the help I received here, that I really was burning passionately to be able to do the same for others. (Doh. Grandiose huh? I don't have enough duct tape to save the world! No one does.) I forgot that sites like these can attract p's and n's and other mentally ill people too. (don't get para, not saying anyone here is okay?)...and I forgot about ptsd...that can really set off multiple triggers for anyone...post p, the slightest misunderstanding in cyberspace can get blown way up. And I never ever knew that "cyber trolls" and "munchies" and all that existed....that was a revelation. (for definition check the wikipedia).

Take heart Momof2, it's pretty much like that all over cyber space..I remember hunting down a pickle recipe in a cookery forum, and there was a full scale war going on between the little old ladies about how to can their pickles...lol..their posts were full of insults and slurs aimed at each other...over PICKLES for Godsakes! lol. Sometimes you have to keep your sense of humor in tact over that stuff...but I am sorry you had a bad experience in other groups.

I guess that it's like going to any support group meeting- out in real world- you get to feel safe and warm and fuzzy, but you probably wouldn't want to leave your purse open on the table with all your money and social security cards and id hanging out! Ya just have to keep safe.

And now I will shut up....lol....hey Cookie, sorry for the long winded post...don't mean to be n'ish...lol...just a blabber mouth sometimes....

thanks for starting the thread.
Matilda
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"I used to have an open mind, but my brains kept falling out."-Steven Wright