My husband of 26 years ticks every box of NPD, I finally left him out of desperation after I discovered an affair he was having with a co-worker for 4 years. I had suspected something going on between them for all those years but he always denied it and called me crazy over the years when I brought up my suspicions. I finally got solid proof in 2014 that even then he continued to deny and minimized blaming her. During this affair time I had become very depressed, I knew in my heart something was terribly wrong in our marriage and just numbed myself using alcohol to cope and became an alcoholic drinking my pain away. I finally left him and quit drinking and turned to AA to straighten my life out.
What happened is he started going to meetings too! He admitted he was an alcohol at a meeting on the day he was served the papers for divorce. He's been going to meetings ever since, but not the ones I attend today because I moved away to a city.
Now he is contacting me all the time and telling me he's done the steps and blames everything he did on the alcohol. I have never received a real apology for anything, and he never admitted to anything still and has said to me that Step 9 says - Make direct amends to such people wherever possible, except, when to do so would injure them or others. So I think he's using this to not tell me anything.
I guess my real question is, is this more manipulation coming from him in your opinion? Or do you think that this program is truly helping him? My gut is screaming again at me that this is still all BS.
Thank you, and I appreciate your work so much.
PS - I have been sober and recovering coming up a year and half.