Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group

bubblers · Joined: 31 Dec 2007 Posts: 35

Well, the big Easter craptacular is this weekend (Mom side of the family doesn't do X-mas together as there are too many people.) We all get together at a hotel for the weekend. And she will be treated exactly as she treated me at my wedding. Which is the last time I seen her. Literally, the day of, not the day after. My wedding was at a resort hotel and when we were all getting ready to go (packing up our stuff,gifts,saying goodbye to everyone.) mom is nowhere to be found. I called her that night and for two days after, wondering what happened to her and she said "Well, I seen you, but I seen you had enough help carrying your stuff out and you didn't need me." Wow, so basically she seen us hauling all our stuff out and didn't want to help, not that it even occured to her to want to say goodbye to her daughter the day after the wedding. So this weekend my husband, brother and SIL will all be staying in the same hotel room and we are going to make ourselves BUSY all weekend, shopping etc. Oh and we're meeting my WONDERFUL inlaws Sun. morning for brunch so we're checking out of the hotel and leaving without saying goodbye. I'll just say we seen you but I seen you didn't need our help hauling all your stuff out.

lynn1234 · Joined: 14 Aug 2007 Posts: 718

Bubblers....I can relate to your NM pulling some crap on a special day or Holiday.. Sounds like you are prepareing yourself on her acting badly based on her track record.. I think that is good since you already know what to expect..

I am not sure that taking revenge or giving her a piece of her own medicine will click with her though.. She might even gloat latter that she somehow had the "power" to get to you... N's love the feeling of power, control, and the satisfaction that they created drama.. Don't give her the satisfaction... she won't get the message you are trying to get across to her anyway nor will she care except to feed off of the drama.... Just have a good time with your husband.. in-laws and the rest of the family... That will be the greatest revenge...
It will be hard to not let her get to you when you are around her so try to avoid her and say goodbye cordially.. Good luck because I know dealing with an N isn't easy.... I have sworn off all vacations with my NM but I know it's a hard decision to make when you want to see the rest of the family....

bubblers · Joined: 31 Dec 2007 Posts: 35

Lynn, thank you for the advice, I had actually thought about the same things you had mentioned. I probably should have added that except for 1 phone call I have not talked to her since 2 weeks before X-Mas. We had bought tickets for Disney World in July for our honeymoon in Dec. and I called mom and aunt (who she lives with and is very nice) to see if we could stay there and get a ride to/from airport. " Oh yeah that'll be fine" Then every month thereafter I would call and my mom would answer, I would want to know who was taking us and who would be picking us up. "Oh I don't know." and "i guess we'll just have to see." This went on literally until 2 weeks before the trip, so hubby and I booked a park and fly hotel. Then got a call from mom/aunt on speakerphone the day before we were leaving, wondering when we were coming and I said "I had been asking if we had a ride for 5 months and never got an answer so we booked a hotel."
I guess I have been trying to go NC for awhile now, but I really want to see my family too. I'm telling myself that I'm not going to be at her beck and call this weekend, and I'm not going to let her sit next to me at all dinners and look at me with sad eyes, expecting me to pick up the check. I guess it's easier to deal with if I have a plan, but with N's you have to learn to expect the unexpected.